Giftology

Menu

Our work is supported by affiliate commissions.

31 Funny Retirement Gift Ideas

Retirement is a time in someone’s life that is well deserved and should be celebrated as the life achievement that is. After all, they put in decades of work to get to this point and now they get to unwind and do whatever the heck they want. In addition to a retirement card or an item from our “53 Thoughtful Gift Ideas for Retirement” guide, a funny and playful retirement gift for the new retiree with a great sense of humor is a wonderful way to send off your favorite co-worker or congratulate a family member. We’ve scoped out the best retirement gag gifts to show up to the party with.

By Reina Esser • Published Mar 31 2022

1. Out of Office Forever Business Cards

Engage 24/7 vacation mode.

Buy Now →

Gift these bad boys a week early so they can be passed out to coworkers and at their retirement party. You'll get big laughs from these silly business cards that convey the level of IDGAF that all retirees should have.

2. O'Fishally Retired T-Shirt

Happy retirement, here's a cheesy t-shirt!

Buy Now →

They've been talking about their retirement all year and daydreaming about the hours they'll spend fishing. This t-shirt perfectly encapsulates their new motto. It's a very corny gift and we love it.

3. Later Traitor Necklace

It's funny and sweet all at the same time.

Buy Now →

We think this is one of the best retirement gifts for women. The thoughtfulness is there, along with a bit of sass that feels justified by your work BFF ditching you.

4. Retirement Notebook

Nothing but time and excuses, I reckon.

Buy Now →

Make your retired loved one keep their word with this funny retirement notebook. Whether it's bucket list items or pesky honey-do's, they should probably get to it now that they're retired.

5. Funny Retirement Card

An iconic symbol of the officially retired.

Buy Now →

When you see these of the feet of a retirement-aged man, you know that he's living his best life with no worries. Nothing says happy retirement like a thoughtful card (and maybe some cash) and this hilarious card is perfect for the job.

6. Quitter Coffee Mug

Retirement is for quitters!

Buy on Amazon →

We already know you're going to be mean-mugging them during their final days at work, so you might as well gift them this mean mug. Whenever your newly retired friend or loved one drinks from this mug, they'll be reminded of what a total pain in the butt you are and that's the goal here.

7. Cheeky Makeup Bag

It speaks the truth.

Buy on Amazon →

We know she can do whatever she wants, nevertheless, this is a perfect gift for the retiring woman who is always primped and manicured. Fill it with some face masks and nail polish to make it extra sweet with a side of sassy.

8. Partini Golf Shirt

Par-Tee Time!

Buy Now →

Your friend is probably looking forward to early tee times and hours of golfing on his weekly schedule. This high-quality shirt will get millions of compliments on the course and he will be the coolest dressed guy on the green.

9. Martini Pickleball Skort

Didn't think we'd leave the ladies hanging, did you?

Buy on Amazon →

Happy hour is any hour in this loud and playful martini pickleball skort. Pickleball is the fastest growing sport in the country and is widely popular among folks over 55. This is a funny retirement gift idea that is pretty cute, too. All you need is a tumbler of wine in your hand to complete the look.

10. RV Wine Glass

Yes, We're definitely having fun with this punny gift idea.

Buy on Amazon →

Does this soon-to-be retired person have plans to see the country in an RV? This widely popular lifestyle among retired folks is the ultimate version of freedom. This funny wine glass is a perfect gift for coworkers and a great way to welcome them into retired life.

11. Palm Tree Fedora

For sunny days in Florida.

Buy on Amazon →

This gag gift might get some use as your newly retired friend or loved one chases year-round sunshine. We think it's just fedorable! It's an even funnier gift idea if they are 100% not moving to Florida.

12. Official Retirement Papers

Toilet paper(s) that is.

Buy Now →

Talk about a funny retirement gift idea. They'll spend plenty of time in the john laughing at this gift and maybe one day using it in an emergency.

13. You're Dead To Us Retirement Banner

Okay, not really. We can still be Facebook friends.

Buy on Amazon →

Looking for a cute way to convey your sadness? This decorative banner will resonate with everyone at the retirement party. Nothing says "We're sad to see you go!" and "Congratulations on your life achievement!" like passive-aggressive party décor.

14. News Flash Party Banner

This will 100% embarrass them.

Buy Now →

Looking to make your favorite quitter blush with embarrassment? A large banner with their face on it is sure to do the trick. Be sure to fess up as the coworker who went to great lengths to source this amazing retirement gift. Make sure they hang it in the garage after the party.

15. Senior Discount Hat

They might forget but how could the cashier miss this hat? >.<

Buy on Amazon →

This hysterical hat is the perfect prank gift for a retiree in your life that you anticipate will become an even bigger handful as they age. If they're a stickler for saving a dollar, this is a wonderful gag gift that should be worn on the golf course, tennis courts, grocery store, and beyond.

16. You're Only Old Once!

YOLO and YOOO, mottos to live by.

Buy Now →

When you graduate high school or college you may have received "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" by Dr. Seuss. This book by the legendary author chronicles growing old and makes a great gag gift for folks who aren't senior citizens just yet. You're retiring co-worker or loved one will roll their eyes upon receiving it, but they'll enjoy the story once they give it a chance.

17. Potty Putter

Make sure their keeping their golf game sharp.

Buy on Amazon →

Amazon is a black hole of weird products and this one tops the list. While we do hope you sanitize the putter after each use, we love this retirement gag gift idea for the guy or gal who is looking forward to hours of game play in this new life stage.

18. Fishing Pole Campfire Roaster

For all that free time around the campfire.

Buy Now →

For those about to hit the road in an RV or van, this fishing pole campfire roaster from Uncommon Goods will get some laughs. It's not often you get to cook dinner and dessert at the same time. Bonus points for working on your fishing cast, too!

19. Senior Survival Chain

Cause getting old isn't for the faint of heart.

Buy on Amazon →

Retired life has its perks, but getting old isn't one of them. This funny gag gift will equip your retired friend with everything they need in their old age.

20. 6-Pack Beer Belt

No gym necessary for this 6-pack.

Buy on Amazon →

Now that your loved one has entered retirement, they've got plenty of time to kick back and enjoy an ice-cold beer. Everyone else will still be at work, so make sure they never have to lift a finger to crack the next cold boy. This is a funny retirement gag gift for the life of the party.

21. Cruzin Cooler

You're retired, ride a cooler!

Buy Now →

Um, yes...it's a thing. You're committing to this joke with an $800+ price tag, but it's the most amazing product we've ever seen. Elon, was this your idea? This is a great retirement gift for your family member or best friend. They can cruise around the campground, tailgate, ballpark, and beyond. It goes up to 9mph and about 10 miles on a single charge.

22. The Legend Has Retired Whiskey Glass

You're vintage now, sweetie!

Buy on Amazon →

They'll wonder if you're calling them vintage or the whiskey, definitely them. This gift idea is great for whiskey lovers and the retired man who plans on smoking cigars and wearing a velvet robe all day. This is a prank gift that can be used and enjoyed and we love that.

23. Day Clock

At this point, does the day even matter?

Buy Now →

The only day that will matter once you're retired is is senior citizen day at the grocery store and this clock is perfect for the job.

24. Bring Me Wine Socks

The font should be big enough for even the worst of eyes.

Buy on Amazon →

You can't go wrong with funny socks. This is a great retirement gift for women and wine lovers alike. These cozy socks pair perfectly with any outfit, as long as there's a wine glass in hand.

25. Gold Panning Kit

A plan B is always a good idea.

Buy on Amazon →

Hey, a pension is great, but this backup plan is sure to be appreciated. They'll have plenty of free time to get into this side hustle for a little extra spending money. This is a funny gag gift that could turn into a real hobby and activity to do with grandkids.

26. Napping Pillow

We envy this to-do list.

Buy Now →

Funny and true. This throw pillow would look great on the sofa of a retired person. Gift this to a retiring coworker who is stoked for nap time 24/7.

27. Florida Travel Guide

Pair it with the palm tree fedora listed above.

Buy on Amazon →

It's where all retired people go, right? This gag gift pokes fun at the tradition of moving to the sunshine state. We are mostly making fun of it because we are jealous.

28. Lime Green Nail Polish

It's time to light the employee handbook on fire, girl!

Buy Now →

Ew, we hate a dress code! Now that she's retiring, she can paint her nails any color she wants! This is a gag gift that is cute, funny, and affordable and we love it for women who have been in a corporate environment where the dress code prohibits loud nail polish, unnatural hair, and the other fun things in life.

29. Bingo Daubers

Old people = Bingo

Buy on Amazon →

Throw in a card (and some cash) and say something like "Don't get into too much trouble on the bingo circuit, kid ;)" This is a great prank gift for any retired person that isn't too mean and should be well received even by the co-worker with the worst sense of humor.

30. Retiree Wine Rack

Mug & Glasses not included so pick some up for optimal affect.

Buy Now →

A wine glass rack that is more of a work of art, is a wonderful gift idea for your newly retired friend. They'll never forget which glass to have in their hand.

31. Retired Tote Bag

I know that's right.

Buy Now →

Funny and to the point, your retired loved one or co-worker will LOL at this tote bag. They can use it to pack up their desk and as they exit the building, they can throw up some deuces.